NICU

As I mentioned before, Bowen and Faith were taken directly to the NICU after they were born. At the time, we weren't sure what, if anything, was wrong with them but we did know that Faith weighed 3lbs, 12 oz which was a little on the low side.

I was in recovery for quite a while because I had a bad reaction to some of the medications so I don't have much memory of the rest of that day, but I did get taken to the NICU later that night and supposedly I was the first person to hold them. I have no memory of this and I was shocked when I saw the pictures of myself holding the babies that night. Let's just say they won't be posted on here or Facebook any time soon. Or framed in my house. Or shown to anyone. Ever.

Surprisingly, Faith's weight was never a problem and Bowen was the one who needed more attention. He was on oxygen for a few days, IVs, some antibiotics as a precaution, heated bed for temperature control and an NG feeding tube. Faith didn't need the oxygen or the antibiotics but she had the IV and feeding tube as well. Neither one was ever in an incubator so we were usually able to hold them whenever we wanted, but it was still scary to see your child hooked up to so many monitors and all the alarms that were constantly going off.

One of the things I wish I would have known going into the NICU was that we needed sleepers with buttons and not zippers because all of their cords had to hang out the bottom of their clothes.

Bowen had his IV in his inner arm and they put a board on his arm to keep him from straightening it out. It looked super uncomfortable and it was almost impossible to change his clothes. As soon as they removed it he kept his arm stick straight (see above pic!)

Faith's IV was often in her head and it was quite the sight. They called it the "unicorn" and that's exactly what it looked like. Except that it was a scary needle in a teeny premie's forehead. Ouch!  

I compared the NICU to a casino because it was always the same lighting and temperature whenever you were there and you could never tell what time of day it was because there were no doors or windows. Plus, all the alarms did sound similar to slot machines. I also compared the NICU to a baby jail because the place was so secure, had strict visitation rules and you had to scrub in and wear the protective gowns at all times.

Faith rocking her "unicorn" on the side.

When I was released from the hospital it wasn't as difficult as I imagined to leave our children in the NICU.  It was obvious at first that they needed to be there, plus my recovery wasn't the smoothest and I definitely still needed a lot of care myself. But, about two days later we were ready for them to come home and it just about drove me crazy when they were kept in the NICU for another week. Bowen and Faith were pretty much always considered "Feeders and Growers" which is the last step to conquer before being released from the NICU. Basically it means that the baby is healthy, but the sucking reflex needs to be more developed and usually the baby needs to gain some weight. If you want to know how aggravating it is to leave an otherwise healthy baby in the NICU just google "stuck at Feeder and Grower stage" and you will see message board after message board of mothers complaining because their babies are not being released from the hospital. It's beyond frustrating and I don't even have words to describe what it feels like.

The best part about the NICU was that I was able to learn a lot about how to care for Bowen and Faith. Most of the nurses were so nice and each of them taught me some little trick about burping, feeding or swaddling. And when I say best part, I mean that's probably about the only thing I liked and I'm only saying it now after being out of that place for a month. I think when you have a baby in the NICU it's soul-crushing and most days I spent in tears.

I have a whole new respect now for moms and dads who have to spend months in the NICU with their children because it is not a fun place to be. Excluding all the ups and downs that your own children are going through, there is so much sadness there. There are drug babies who have been abandoned by their mothers and never have anyone to hold or comfort them, parents who sit by the bedside of their infants and cry and babies who are so small that you can't imagine how they will ever survive. In fact, if I'm ever pregnant again, I will be even more careful as I near the end of my pregnancy because I do not ever want to live through that again. 

Both Bowen and Faith had a lot of tape on their faces and it was not the cool doesn't stick to itself athletic tape that we're used to at my house. It was the doesn't come off even with alcohol pad type of tape. Plus the babies were constantly pulling at the tape and tubes and so they would have lots of scratches and rough places on their faces. It looked so painful.

The NICU also robs you of a lot of the normalcy of the end of your pregnancy. I know there is no such thing as normal, but it is shocking to your system to be pregnant one moment and not the next. When I think about how my babies were taken from me like that it does make me sad because I wasn't the first one to comfort them, talk to them or hold them (even though they say I was). I don't have pictures of myself crying tears of happiness after having birthed them, I didn't do skin to skin contact, get to change their diapers for days or get to try nursing them when they were first born. Faith's cord fell off while they were in the NICU and I wasn't even wheeled out of the front door of the hospital holding my babies. It sounds petty, but when you go through years and years of infertility these little things meant a lot to me. But I say all this because no matter what I would do it all again. From the very beginning of this journey I have wished that our story was more "normal" but I do think my family is where we are supposed to be and this is our story, no matter what. So, I'm glad that it's unique and we have lots and lots of stories to tell Bowen and Faith about their first days of life.

After two weeks we FINALLY got the okay to come home with our babies and this was after a good 72 hours of around the clock care that Brad and I attempted at the NICU. To this day, I think if we had not stepped up and managed their feedings ourselves we would have spent several more aggravating days scrubbing ourselves into the NICU.

I didn't take this pic of my backseat for the blog, I was just so happy to see carseats on the way home from the hospital that I snapped a pic of them on their first ride ever.

It turned out to be pretty funny looking back because this is what happened by the time we made the ten minute ride home. Faith was screaming her head off and like any level-headed, non-hormonal, and recovering C-section patient I climed into a ten inch space at a stop light. I think that pretty much sums up what I was willing to do to get them home at the time.

Birth Story

Good thing I did one pregnancy blog entry since I didn't get around to doing any more of those :) I honestly did mean to do a Week 34 or 35 post, but I was so overwhelmed with wrapping up my work duties before my maternity leave that I never got around to it. Below is the last known photo of me before the babies were born (tear).

Friday, May 4 was my last day of work and there is no telling how long I worked that day but I know it was very late into the night and I still didn't finish everything I wanted to get done. I figured I would wrap everything up over the weekend but on Sat I woke up and decided work could wait until Sun. I wanted to enjoy the first day of my maternity leave! Brad and I drove to Greenville to get some baby shopping done and later that afternoon my friend Bridgett and her husband Michael came to visit us and we had a great Cinco de Mayo eating Mexican that night.

This picture isn't from that night, but it was only a few weeks before. Bridgett and I both pregnant with twins on the day of my baby shower.

 

After Bridgett and Michael left Brad and I watched some tv and I started to feel a little strange. I tried to time the contractions, but I couldn't so I let my fears go and when I got sleepy around 2am I just went to bed. A few hours later I woke up and the bed was soaked with fluid so I woke Brad up and told him we needed to change the sheets. He just looked at me and said he thought we should call the doctor first. I don't know what I was thinking at the time - I didn't feel anything so I was just going to go back to bed. I was told by the nurse to go into the hospital, but I still didn't feel anything. I even wanted to take a shower but Brad wouldn't let me. I think I was lucky just to get my contacts in!

At the hospital I went into a triage room where we sat for a very long time. I was so hungry, tired, bored and thirsty. It was clear the nurses didn't think my water had broken and were going to send me home. Brad and I talked about going to Bojangles for breakfast on the way home and if we should go to church that day or not. Really I just felt so dumb for coming in or even calling because at this point it looked as if I had just wet the bed. Right before I thought they were going to release me I asked for my urine to be tested for protein. I'm not really sure what made me ask for this, but looking back this one question actually changed the course of that day, and really my life, forever.

Since my doctor had been out of town the week before I knew, that on a Sunday morning at 6:30am, he did not know that my previous urine test had shown some protein. So when they did find blood and protein in my urine they called him back and sure enough he came in to check me out. After checking my reflexes and taking one look at me his exact words were "It's a good day to have babies".

Shortly after I was moved into a labor and delivery room and the process was started with IVs, epidural, etc. It was close to noon at this point and I was told that it might be late into the night before the babies were born. I did not know how I was going to make it because if I thought I was hungry and thirsty before, the ice chips had only made it worse. Plus not getting the Bojangles, obviously.

The doctor came to break my water and he attached a monitor to the top of Baby A's head. It was pretty busy in my room with a lot of nurses coming and going and Brad on the phone with everyone and their brother. I told one of the nurses that I was still feeling some contractions and some weird vibrations and they did a cervical check and found out that Baby A had switched to a breech position. It turns out the monitor on the head was not appreciated. At this point everything was kicked into high gear. They put an oxygen mask on me, had me rolling onto my sides and people were suddenly rushing into the room. I really didn't know what was going on, but I guess my blood pressure went up very high and so at that point the doctor suddenly appeared and said we were doing a c-section. Everything happened so fast. Within a few short minutes I was put onto another bed, rolled to the operating room and the anesthesiologist was there again.

The nurses were all great and tried to keep me calm the entire time. They were telling jokes and making guesses about the sex of the babies. I was just trying to process how I went from peeing in the bed to delivering babies within a few short hours. I was supposed to have taken juice to Sunday School that morning, I had meant to finish work that afternoon...I was planning on spending a week or two of my maternity leave writing thank you notes, organizing and cleaning. Plus I had been looking foward to doing nothing but dreaming about my babies coming, reading books on how to take care of babies and sit in their nursery and just do nothing!! But instead I was on that operating table embarrassed because I hadn't taken a shower or prepared in any way for this birth. 

I couldn't see how many people were around me, but it felt like a lot. I knew I was naked or mostly naked and it felt like everyone was staring at me. I think this picture supports that theory.

I guess they weren't really staring, but it felt like it. At some point Brad showed up again and by miracles of all miracles he had sent my mom to our house to get the camera and she had shown up and found a nurse who delivered it to Brad while he was waiting to come in to see me. He sat with me behind the curtain and we just waited.

It was only a few minutes later and then we saw Baby A - the one who started all the chaos. It was a boy - just like I had suspected!! Bowen Cooper Sain, weighing 5lbs, 1oz born at 3:10pm.

Baby B was a little girl - also like I had guessed!! Faith Catherine Sain, weighing 3lbs, 12 oz born at 3:11pm.  

It was a moment I will never forget as the doctor held the babies over the screen and then the nurses called out their weights. We heard the babies cry a little and then the NICU nurses wrapped them up and showed them to us again as they were whisked out the door. That's all I remember about the c-section. Everything was just a blur after that!!

I was taken to a recovery room and the babies went directly to the NICU. It was a little sad that I didn't get to hold them or touch them before they were taken out and I will always be somewhat heartbroken about that. Brad was able to take some more pics later that night at the NICU, and they are a little scary looking, but it's just appearance. The babies only needed some extra TLC and I'll write more about that later. 

Bowen

Faith